News of the Whirrled

Dear Leader, North Korean strongman Kim Jong Il, was mistakenly confused for Dear Abby today by a convention of Norwegian door to door vacuum cleaner salesmen visiting Pyongyang. Mr. Kim was giving a speech in The Great Hall of the World Festival of Revolutionary Monkeys when he found himself being consistently interrupted by drunken Norwegian shouts of "I think my son is gay." Mr. Kim was ushered out of the building by someone dressed in an orange orangutan suit.

Little known fact: The recent Myanmar government crackdown on religious assembly was caused by a monk who mistakenly immolated himself when attempting to set the record for simultaneous yak barbecues.

Wal-Mart, having recently opened a big box store just outside the suicide bomber barricades of Baghdad's Green Zone, has pledged to remove all but the most overweight greeters by August 2010. "We are committed to replacing all of the contractor greeters with local, morbidly obese Iraqis," heralded Eduardo Castro-Wright Vice Chairman, Wal-Mart Stores. "We even have a Less Than 5 detonator Express Lane for faster service. Aisle 7 next to the goats,” he added proudly.