RNC Chair Glued to Seat

In an effort to limit the damage resulting from his ad hoc remarks,

Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele has been glued to a chair in his home office.

An unnamed source told this reporter that it was the only way they could think of to limit his movements. The same source said that consideration was also given to surgically implanting an opiate IV drip into Mr. Steele and placing him in an Orange County California halfway house for addicts. That idea was dropped when they realized that Rush Limbaugh had used up the world supply of OxyContin.