Constipation Grips Harlem Neighborhood

Hazel Ellis-McGillicutty puts a move on

In a most unfortunate sequence of events, residents of the 8800 block of 145th Avenue in Harlem all began experiencing severe gastric distress after the Sunday potluck dinner at Our Sisters of God Almighty Aren't You Done Wit Dat Man Lutheran Church. Scores of worshippers soiled the sidewalks surrounding the church after eating what was later deemed as "chitlins of questionable origin" by the City's Medical Examiner.