Iowa Gay Couple Want to Adopt Plant

Pushing the envelope, a newly married Iowan same-sex couple, Buford and Cornelius Howard-Johnson, have applied to adopt a houseplant (center of photo).

The happy couple said they had no female friends who would be willing to serve as surrogates. In fact, they had no female friends or acquaintances at all since they hung out in bath houses 98% of the time trolling for easy marks and drugs.

"We figured adopting would be the easiest way to go. And we've had this here geranium for so long we've become attached to it," offered Buford in a drunken slur.

State officials were not sure how to proceed and were consulting with a local botanist and part-time lawn bowling memorabilia collector to understand the social implications of the proposed adoption. "Bottom line is we want to know how it would affect the buds," said State Senator Warren Peese.