Japanese Whaler Mistakes Oprah for Large Fish

Oprah Winfrey (left) and producer Latesha Jangles consult on Oprah's new diet book

TV personality Oprah Winfrey was attacked on a Chicago park bench this weekend by a visiting Japanese whaler, Hiro Yamatoto. The unprovoked attack almost set off an international incident. In defense of his actions Mr. Yamatoto stated: "I thought was beached sperm whale or maybe giant bluefin tuna. I rush over and try spear it but large black man beat me in back of head. I go back Osaka tell countrymen we need fish these waters."

As it turns out, Ms Winfrey was discussing the publication of her new diet book, "How to Lose Two Tons the Hard Way," with her publicist and executive producer Latesha (Sugarbuns) Jangles. She was unharmed in the melee and attributes the layers of fat she accumulates during the winter months as "natural protection" from predators.