Taliban to Get New Uniforms

Abu Dabi bin Islandhop models the "new look" Taliban uniform

In an effort to get more positive press, senior Taliban mullahs have ordered a re-design of the baggy pants fighting uniform their weekend warriors have popularized in heavy skirmish photo-ops. Helge Betelgeusse, a noted Swedish fashion designer and this year's "Coming Out Princess" on the Royal Caribbeans Cruise to Hackensack, has been commissioned to provide a new look for these mangy mujahadeen. After 6 exhaustive and exciting months taking fittings, especially in the seat and crotch areas, Mr Betelgeusse has produced what some admirers consider his best work (see photo above).

"I tried to achieve a mix of nonchalant insouciance with a more formal, evening wear didactic," purred the winner of 1977's Betty Crocker Buttermilk Pancake Griddle Off. "Nothing says carved scrotal sac stuffed in the mouths of heathen infidels than a bespoke red uniform with Easter Parade hat."