Congressman Genetically Linked to Peacock

Republican Representative Price, watching a female assistant cross the floor of the House

Georgia Republican Tom Price, the chairman of the House Republican Study Committee and a medical doctor, was just informed on the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives that he would be denied access to all Republican caucuses because genetic tests had shown him not to be of human descent. This was seen as a blow to Price, a leading critic of Democratic efforts to pass a health care reform bill, since his criticisms might carry less weight coming from a bird.

In a conference call with reporters, House Minority Whip Eric Cantor (R-Va) said: "It was a good goddamn waste of time every time he showed up for a meeting. The guy was always preening and blow drying his hair. I always thought he wasn't one of us."