Real Reason Whole Foods is Downsizing

Exclusive to The Daily Brewhaha

John Mackey, ex-CEO of Whole Foods (see previous post) and now Anonymous-Blogger-in-Residence for his new dating site, Pot Belly Pig Fecal Emporium, has admitted to this reporter the reason he recently offered the company for sale on the "women seek women" portion of craigslist.

In an unusual moment of candor for the "Jolly Green Giant" (his tag on popular underage bulletin boards) Mr. Mackey said "I was constantly being hacked by gay Eastern Europeans with an obvious agenda," producing a receipt from one of his stores.

Mr. Mackey, wearing a hat made of tin foil and dressed only in a Hugh Hefner silk pajama top, broke down and wept when he realized that his life's work was now the property of Mathilda "Mac" MacKenzie, an unemployed concrete mixer from Des Moines Iowa.

Ms. MacKenzie, when reached by phone, said she was planning to change the orientation of the store to cater to lesbians only. "What do you think of the name "Hole Foods?" she asked.