Lifestyle: When Pigeons Attack

(Dateline Lima, Peru)

In an unexplained incident, a group of Peruvian schoolchildren were attacked by a flock of pigeons while waiting for their headmistress to finish urinating in the school's ceremonial carp pond. The birds swooped in without warning while the children were singing "I am your Spaniel" from Act I of the English opera, A Midsummer Night's Dream by Benjamin Britten.

In a related occurrence, 5th grade class president Hortensia Beluga, shat her pants when the birds attacked, and was remanded to local authorities for etiquette lessons and decontamination.

City officials were at a loss to explain why the headmistress chose the carp pond to relieve herself versus her normal site, the school cafeteria express checkout stand.